Alright.. continuing on from my last post here.... I ended it talking about how social networking sites work and how it affects friendships or non-friendships or whatever you want to call them. Anyways.....
"Relationships" Okay! NOW we're getting deep. :) "Online" relationships... and yes I mean the kind that are looking to be more than friends. BAD idea.... period! The concept of online dating is asking for hurt. I would warn ANYONE away from that or even trying to get to know someone online because a lot of online communication between a guy and girl before meeting can and will result in feelings for each other and can cause a lot of hurt and pain later on... so just don't do it! And actually I'm going to step out and say that "long distance" relationships are a really bad idea also.
"Relationships" Okay! NOW we're getting deep. :) "Online" relationships... and yes I mean the kind that are looking to be more than friends. BAD idea.... period! The concept of online dating is asking for hurt. I would warn ANYONE away from that or even trying to get to know someone online because a lot of online communication between a guy and girl before meeting can and will result in feelings for each other and can cause a lot of hurt and pain later on... so just don't do it! And actually I'm going to step out and say that "long distance" relationships are a really bad idea also.
Any sort of long distance relationship is very complicated and must be handled with extreme care. For me I have decided to simply not do it, mostly for the following reason...... It allows feelings to develop between a guy and girl without either family being involved. This is a problem right away. You really do want the family to like you... A relationship cannot be blessed by God unless both parents approve and bless it themselves. The 5th commandment is honor your father and mother and if this commandment is not followed in a relationship there will be problems. Sadly I've seen it proven over and over again. If the parents don't approve then wait until they do... because if it is truly Gods will, he will work things out because he is always the same and is very consistent. The 5th commandment doesn't say to honor your parents sometimes.... it means ALL the time. So, that said... if you are really wanting to please God in a relationship, get to know the family personally before or while you get the know the girl/guy. It will prevent a lot of hurt and confusion. And yes, I know.... this means excluding long distance relationships but it wasn't meant to be any other way. I think distance was meant to be a gap that physically separated people in different communities from each other and that gap has been broken and the more I think about it the more I wish that it was still there.
You should be reading Candles post here ... :)
Don't skip it... go read it! I mean it.. Its well worth it! :P
Okay so hopefully you read Candles post .... So guys! Every Girl you meet wants to marry you, Okay? Totally kidding there, but seriously to a certain extent you need to treat them like they do and if you don't want to marry them or you aren't sure, its YOUR job to protect their heart and to keep them pure. Seriously! As a guy, I kinda know... we are clueless but not nearly as bad as we are made out to be. If you see that a girl is liking you as more than just a friend, and I promise you will know if you really care, and you aren't sure about it and you want to keep being friends and nothing more, there is really only one way to keep it from being nothing more..... cut back. Stop talking so much... And I know from experience that it won't be a happy time for either of you, but it is the only way that you can keep being friends without someone getting hurt. And I'm not saying that you have to stop talking completely but I do think that a break from talking to someone that you're talking to and thinking about all the time will allow your mind to recover and you will be able to think more clearly about things from the right perspective. Love is very blinding and there IS such a thing as counterfeit love. Search your heart and make sure it is lined up with God and that you are doing what His will is for you and not what your will is for you.
Okay, so that said.... These are just my thoughts on the issue. I'm not saying that I have all the answers but my main point is.. Guys don't underestimate a girls feelings and be sure that you are protecting her for her future spouse... treat her like you would want your future wife to be treated by another guy!
'Know God' ----
9 comments:
Thanks Jer! I wish I had kept that in mind in my online conversations with a girl before I met the woman I'm courting. It would have saved a lot of heartache if I'd simply kept it at a friend level, but it was too easy to start talking too much... Very soon, I'd gotten my heart involved having spoken in person ONCE! A warning that was taken to heart...
Thanks for the perspective! Lots to think about! :^)
Also - thanks for linking to the Candle post! That was really great - I'm going to share that link for my blog readers as well.
--A.
That was really good and well written. Thanks. :)
Good thoughts and I highly agree. Thanks for posting this. Someone needed to say it. *
Good stuff, old man.
Good thoughts! I think a lot of times we get ahead/in the way of God's plan. . .
Ok so I have a question now. How would this work out (getting to know the family before/while you get to know the guy/girl) if one or both people are living on their own, nowhere near the parents? Like what if the guy lives with/near his parents but the girl lives 4 states away from hers? How does that work out? I'm all for involving both families, but what if they're nowhere around?
@leah Good question... Its kind of a different situation if the girl is moved out I think. Just thinking out loud here... umm... if the girl is away from her parents and living on her own.... She is still under the headship of her father and will be until she is married.. and I think the family should be involved as much as possible. But at the same time she's not living under her parents roof anymore I and think that leaves more room for her to make decisions and have beliefs outside of those of her family. But honestly I don't think its a great idea to develop any kinda of serious relationship without the families involved. Basically you're taking a gamble and hoping your family likes the guy/girl... if they don't there will be a problem and tension through the whole thing. So I guess in this case if the guy and girl are wanting to respect their families... they would have to try to not get too involved until there could be a sort of approval there.
Hope that made sense. :) What do you think?
Well I agree, you definitely want your family to approve of your girl/guy, and you definitely want accountability as far as building a relationship. Relationships - accountability = disaster waiting to happen. I think ideally that accountability should come from the family.
If the girl, guy, or both are living on their own but do have Christian families, I think it's still possible to have family involvement, it'll just take more effort. Like you'd have to take trips to see both families together, so you could interact with the families and with each other around your families. I mean, my sister did the long distance thing and it worked for her, but it's proooobably not going to be anyone's first choice:)
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